Scott Lee Cohen, pawnbroker, withdraws Illinois nomination for Democratic Lt. Governor-Why?

I need to comment on the Illinois Democratic election of  Scott Lee Cohen for Lieutenant Governor. By now, you’ve heard about his pawnbroker business, steroids, and allegations of physical abuse and involvement with a prostitute. However how much do we know about why he so willingly agreed to give up his spot for the good of the Democratic party and the state of Illinois? A pawnbroker just gives away the goods for nothing? Come on!

What did Michael Madigan say to Cohen that would make him so easily resign? Was he promised extensive building contracts for his cleaning business? Was he promised jobs for his family members? This is the story the media should be all over. Anyone can use this guy to get a salacious story about hookers, but it takes a real reporter to investigate what transpired between Cohen and the  Democratic big dogs.

This guy came out of nowhere, with his past open to all, and won.  Like it or not, the same people that made Blagojevich  and Ryan household names  voted for Cohen. But the Democratic power brokers didn’t like the outcome this time, so they did something to get him to withdraw. Imagine if they had done the same to Obama, when Jack Ryan was knocked out of the race.  And now Madigan and the Dems will pick a replacement.  I wonder if he’s considered his daughter, Lisa Madigan, for the position?

“Hold the Elevator!!”

It’s about 8:40 am. There is a line of people waiting for the next elevator. A man spots one in the distance and tries to quietly  sneak away from the rest of us, so he gets quality standing space. Much to his dismay, a small Asian man yells, “ELEVATOR!!” As we all race to get in,  a pudgy nurse dressed in pink, does the ” ohohooh, hold the elevator,” as she juggles a Big Gulp of coffee from Dunkin Donuts and squeeeeezes her way in..

As the doors barely shuts, we were on our way…..to the second floor! The nurse exits the elevator,and slowly saunters down the hall, as the door closes.  I wondered why she would go to all that effort to take an elevator one floor. This I thought is why there is an obesity problem in this country. I think we need rules that forbid people from going up or down one floor, unless its an emergency!( I realize to some, an emergency includes safely transporting your donuts and coffee!)

Ped Egg’s are good for you….and no cholesterol too!

"Not my real foot"

I can’t believe I’m actually going to endorse a product that    on TV.” As an aside, isn’t time to update that slogan. Does it really carry the weight, it once did? It’s similar to when a flight attendant informs you how to use a seat belt. Having said that, I absolutely have to give a thumbs up to the “ped egg.”

I had never seen their commercial, unless you count the little wallet sized video they have over their display. However my feet have been known to get pretty rough. So yesterday, I checked to make sure the coast was clear, and then I  picked up one of the eggs. It’s  like a gentle cheese grater for your heels. When I opened the packaging with the 1950’s cartoon girl on it, I felt a shame surge coming on:But  I was desperate.

My wife worried I would shave my foot off . As promised, it didn’t hurt at all. In fact, it was like watching an indoor snowfall of dead skin. My boys seemed really intrigued. I think they wanted to do a little sanding on my toes as well. Within minutes, I was using the mortar board and smoothing out the rough spots. My feet feel good  and look great! Granted I am about an inch shorter than I was when I started, but it was worth it!!

Will Malia Obama run for office?

As I read about George W. Bush’s promises to balance the budget before he left office, I wondered if he was told by his dad or his brother to say what people want to hear. This is very unlike Obama who is not sugar coating the deficit mess we are in. He is saying it’s going to take time, let possibly 10 years time to get out of this mess. In 10 years I thought his daughter, Malia could start her political career. I think Sasha would be too young. I wondered if the Obama’s are going to be another political family, like the Kennedy’s, Bushes, or Clinton’s.

I don’t think Michelle wants to run. However if she was called to service, I think she would. I don’t know anything about his daughters, but certainly the world will be following them for the rest of their lives. Will they follow their father into politics or stay out of politics.  I hope they go for the dynasty. What do you think?

If you’re using garlic tabs, you need to know-you stink.

I’m sitting on the L train reading my paper, when this guy plops down next to me. We do a little arm wrestling to settle into our shared space, when I notice my eyes start to water. What was that smell? “Oh shit, this guy took some garlic tablets this morning!” Someone has got to do something about this. Despite all the health benefits to you, one of the health consequences to the rest of us is  having to  sitting next to you.

That garlic just eeks out of every pore and lands right on you. Having stood near and sat near people on garlic tabs, I am quite familiar with the smell. I’m left wondering do people know that others are trying to hold their noses or get away from them? Perhaps their should be specially enclosed areas for garlic pill takers on buses, planes, and trains. I kept looking for that red circle with a bottle of garlic tablets in the center and a bright line across it, but it was no where to be found. For a moment, he teased me as if he was going to get off at the next stop,  only to readjust his belongings and cover me a cloud of garlic.

The Bathroom Attendant

The Sun-Times is folded, with Richard Roeper staring at me. As I read his thoughts about Hedi Montag, the 22 year old with 10 plastic surgeries who believes beauty is on the inside- the words “bathroom attendant” jumped out at me.

I thought  this back in the days when the Signature room was the 95th and I still wonder about this today, what are they doing in here? Perhaps like “flight” attendants, they were/are there for our safety, and not simply to hand us a towel,mint or after shave.   To me, it ranked pretty high on the awkward scale.  Quite honestly, I don’t want to interact with someone after I’ve done my business.  In fact, it is probably the last place I want someone to ask me, “can I get you anything sir?“  

Check out the Bears Superbowl Shuffle teaser ads before Superbowl Sunday

I just received this comment regarding a post I wrote about the Chicago Bears reviving the Superbowl Shuffle for the Superbowl. If you still genuflect before your 1985 bears poster; if you still drink coffee out of your faded XXBears mug; and you can remember the score of the Bears destruction of the Dallas Cowboys like it was last Sunday, you’ll want to check this out. Just one question Ben-where’s the Fridge?

Hi ,

Nice post! Below is some follow-up content I think you’ll be interested in: http://m80im.com/newsroom/2010/01/20/boost-mobile-shuffle/

I work with Boost, please let me know if you have any questions…

ben@m80im.com

Did “Boston”ever put out another album?

It;s 7:30am, I’m blowing past a string of green lights to get my kid to a 7:40am student council meeting. On the way, I stumble through a myriad of radio station, pausing to hear “Boston”  singing “Smokin” on  the classic rock station. My mind drifted back to parties where “Boston’s” first album was pounding out of  every woofer and tweeter in the house. “Boston” was legendary. Perhaps the greatest question about them was, “how come they don’t have more albums coming out.”

We were convinced they were the greatest band of our time-at least their first album seemed that way. I remember going to see Boston in concert. This girl’s dad was a Chicago cop, who worked the event at the Stadium. He somehow managed to get about 10 of us into the show.As a parent, I can only imagine what a nightmare it was to keep that promise to his little girl.But it  was a great night. The band sounded as good in person as they did on their album. In fact, some people suggested they were lip synching. For weeks after that, we boasted to anyone who came near us that we went to the “greates fricken concert ever.”

As I screeched into the school parking lot at 7:38, I wondered if kids today could listen to those long songs that Boston sang, or Electric Light Orchestra. You have to be patient or high to sit through some of those things. I don’t know what became of the legendary band. I keep waiting to hear their next album is finally coming out.

Why aren’t Camping companies helping in Haiti?

As I read about the  people in Haiti, I f started  thinking about solutions to their plight. I  know “all they need is  money.”  I’m a skeptic so I don’t fully believe that nor the people who are handling the money  But that is my problem. I did however have one idea that I believe could help with the housing.

I would like to see companies, like Coleman, REI, and Eddie Bauer, donate tents and other supplies.  It seems to me like a win-win.  Most of the people live  in these “tent cities.”  But shamefully, those structures can hardly be called home. Why couldn’t a tent company donate tents, sleeping bags, and flashlights that don’t need batteries. What we use for recreational camping might be a top tier home to someone with nothing. And imagine the positive press and coverage the company would get. It would be in the news constantly. You can’t buy that kind of publicity.

Of course medicine and food are first priorities, but there is something to be said about having some shelter and privacy. So come out of hiding camping companies, show your stuff.

Holding Coffee and Living in Dangerous Times

As I stood in the elevator waiting for my floor, I noticed that every single person had a coffee cup or a smart phone in their hand. So essentially, everyone was walking around one handed. Moreover that one hand was often saddled with a purse, backpack, or newspaper. Was it always this way? I have memories of men walking with little more than a paper in their hand and women with purses. It seems to me like we are living in vulnerable times. Have you considered the opportunities street criminals have to attack us? If you are a street thug and you see a person walking with both hands occupied, one of which has hot coffee and you see someone hands free, who are you going after?

Super Bowl Shufflin 85 Bears are Back……on Superbowl Sunday!

Chicago is a Bears town, any local sports fan knows that. Therefore the 1985 Bears are legends in this town. However I don’t get their national appeal. In today’s paper, I read that a pre-paid phone service has hired several 85 Bears to celebrate their 25th anniversary with a 2010 Superbowl Shuffle.  It seems part of the motivation is to attract older adults who may be spending more carefully in these recessionary times. In fact, I saw a print advertisement with  the “Punky QB” driving a jazzy scooter. When will this end? When will the Chicago Bears win another Superbowl, so these guys drift off into oblivion. 

Do you feel strange saying “Happy Martin Luther King day?”

So far, two people have said the following to me today, “happy Martin Luther King day.” I wasn’t sure how to respond. Yes, we celebrate Martin Luther King’s birthday today. But it seems odd to remember him with that type of greeting. It seems more fitting for certain holidays, like New Years. I think of today as a day to remember his willingness to speak up and advocate for civil rights. Also it seems fitting to remember how he was shamefully treated in his life and how he died. While I’m sure Martin could yuk it up with the rest of the guys at the march, I just don’t think saying “happy MLK day” is the way to go.

Where was Oprah coming from?

Last night I wrote about walking by Oprah as she was exiting a building. While writing, my wife wanted me to tell her about it before I blogged about it. She later asked when did it happen? When I told her it was about 11:30am. She couldn’t believe I didn’t call her. And then hearing I went out to lunch with a friend, she was shocked that I didn’t mention it. I guess it didn’t occur to me. I was kind of into hearing how blown away he was to hear his 2 year old could whistle. I was informed that next time I have an Oprah spotting I must call her immediately!

And then today, I mentioned it to a colleague who works in that building. He had that moment of “Oprah was in my building-yeah!!” And then I mentioned it to another associate as we were going down the elevator. She mused “I wonder what office she was going to.” I presume she fantasized Oprah was going to therapy.

But before we could start a rumor, the mailman chimed in. She was seeing her dentist. “How did you know?” I asked. “Someone else asked me if I saw Oprah yesterday.” I can’t imagine my every move being discussed or written about in a blog few people read-but such is the price of fame.

Walking Past Oprah

As I was walking back to my office today, I saw Oprah leaving a building. It was just me, Oprah, her big body guard/escort and shared square of sidewalk for about a minute. For a second, an internal voice shouted out, “IT’S OPRAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” I even thought perhaps I should say,”you’re great Oprah…or hey Oprah. But when I looked at her, she seemed more like “o” prah than OOOOOOOOOPRAH.

It’s hard to explain. Her clothing was unremarkable. But I did notice she had tortoise-shell glasses. She wasn’t talking or chatting. Her bodyguard seemed to be laughing it up. She looked like she just wanted to get in the black mercedes. I couldn’t tell if I thought she was scared or uncomfortable. But she didn’t seem like the over the top, my life is fabulous Oprah.

And as I walked, I saw the mercedes go by. The bodyguard was still laughing, but Oprah was hidden behind her tinted black windows.

A Shoeclock?

As I left the house today, I noticed I didn’t have my watch. I then realized it was not a big deal. I have one on my phone. And then I wondered why so many products seem to come with a digitized clock on it. Do we really need a clock on the VCR, microwave, and pens? I then thought  I’d like to see a clock on the top of my shoes.   I thought it would be convenient to look down and see the time, maybe the weather, and at least how many steps I’ve taken.  If we can create a shoe with a bomb in it, why can’t we make a shoe that tells time?

Getting around the “N” word?

The more the media plays up the Harry Reid comments about Obama, the less interesting it is. When Michael Steele and the Republicans take up the issue, you know the issue has become watered down so much that it is irrelevant.

Whether you like it or not, many people privately agree with Reid. And if you are still outraged by his comments, consider this: how many African American candidates do you honestly believe could win the nomination, let alone be President of the United States? How well did previous African American candidates do: Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, or Alan Keyes?

To me, Reid’s comments signify, it’s time to move to a new level of dialog about race. Like so many other artists, comedians often say what the rest of us don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge-so check out what Russell Peters has to say.

Should We re-name our cat “Elizabeth Smart?”

Three weeks ago, our tabby cat, “Gogurt” finally escaped. Winter in Chicago is the worst time for the homeless, so it ain’t much better for cats. When we returned from holiday travels, we got a “humane cat trap” from the adoption center. But no luck. And then on Thursday, my wife got a call from a local vet. They fund “Gogurt!”

Great! Right? Well, not exactly. Since returning, he acts like a guy who just got out of rehab and is a little freaked out by everyone and everything. He also reminded me of Elizabeth Smart. Like Gogurt,  she was close to home , yet no one recognized her. And then she returned home wanting her life to go back to being normal: but it could never be the same. She saw  too much. She was. like Gogurt, traumatized. A case of Post Traumatic Kitty Disorder (PTKD).

So on the outside, he may still look and feel like “Gogurt,”  but on the inside, he feels more like  “Elizabeth Smart.”

NBC wants to put Leno back on the Tonight Show?

The NY Times reports that  NBC is getting pressure from its affiliates to put Jay Leno back on to the Tonight Show slot, Conan after him, and Jimmy Fallon after that.  Is that the best these highly paid execs can come up with? Honestly, does anyone really care? You can put them in any order you like and I’ll still watch the Daily Show, Colbert or Rachel Maddow, and maybe CNN.

Does NBC believe the Tonight Show still holds the appeal it did when it was the only game in town? If the best they can do is  play musical chairs with these guys, then fire them and put on reruns of classic shows like the Sid Caesar Show of Shows. At least we’ll know we’re getting something that was innovative for its time.

Is spending really the new savings?

I walked by this billboard for a bank, where you are presented with a pretty woman’s hazel eyes staring at just you. Above her is the caption, “Saving is the new Spending.” I wondered does this type of advertising really work? Do people start telling one another that they are saving more when just last year they were bragging about all of their equity? Are we that limber as adults? Do we really need a bank and its advertising company to tell us what to do with our money?

I guess we do. How many of us just got on the mutual fund train when we were told you have to do it. And then we had to buy property. And then we had to diversify? And then we have….. I’m sick of these bastards trying to tell me what to do with my money. What the fuck do they know? Why don’t they just say we don’t have enough available money to pay bonuses and give loans, so we need you to save again. When we’ve got enough, we’ll tell you to spend again. Oh and if this plan doesn’t work out, it will be due to your bad decision making.

Russell Peters, a comedian for the rest of the world

Over the holiday s, my nieces exposed me to “Russell Peters.” I had never heard of him and was somewhat reluctant to buy into the idea of an Indian comic.  After seeing him, I realized how absent an Indian’s voice had been on the comedy scene.

His keen sense of observation and amazing ability to impersonate Indians, Chinese, Koreans, and other nationalities was unbelievable. Perhaps more shocking was that his audience members spanned the globe. And they were hungry to hear his commentary. Unlike many comedians, he was not an outsider finding remote humor in Asians-he is one of them.

He truly gets them. He knows their families, their countries, and their subtleties. Few comics could go near his material. But he appears to succeed because he speaks what his audience is thinking. More importantly, he has bothered to get to know them as people and not as cheap labor to get a laugh.

Oh yeah, he also realized before others that Asians are smart and have lots of expendable income for shows just like his.